I look down at the pavement as I walk. The sun is beating down at me, suffocating me in my dark jacket. People walk by casting sideways glances thinking I am one crazy girl for wearing a jacket this time of the year. I like to look down as I walk just to pretend the sun wasn’t there…maybe it makes the heat and the awkward stares more bearable. The street is full of noise and people during this time of the day but I’ve walked this path enough times not to bump into the guy who always stands on that corner waiting for his girlfriend or the crowd of kids always whizzing by without even looking up.
I finally reach the familiar building with the cool glass doors. I let out a sigh of relief and walk in expecting the blast of cold breeze from the air conditioner to hit me. I am not disappointed! Already feeling better about the world at large now that the sun could no longer reach me, I find my customary seat in the waiting room. Soon, I hear the now familiar voice calling for me to come in. I smile and enter the room.
“Hey Dr. Huang! How have you been?” I say as I set down my bag and pull off my wretched jacket to reveal my arm. I swear that jacket gets more looks than any girl at the club…even that one who thought underwear and a bra were not necessary while dancing.
“I have been doing well. This scorching summer has motivated to make a new friend.” Dr. Huang said as he looked down at his clipboard.
“Really? How exciting! Who is it?” I exclaim. Dr. Huang rarely mentions his personal life and I have always wondered about it.
“A tub of French vanilla ice cream. I can’t wait to spend more time with her.” He replied as he looked up at me without even a hint of a smile.
I pull one of his long elf ears as I burst out laughing. I can’t believe he can crack jokes with such a straight face!
“Well June, you are here for treatment so let us begin.” He smiled his usual gentle smile and took my arm.
While he works his magic (literally), I sit there daydreaming. Why is it that I’m always smiling and laughing while I’m here? After all, I come here to fight against a sickness that threatens to take my life. I am not even winning this struggle. Yet…I was told I would not see another birthday and my birthday passed 2 months ago. There has to be something to that right? Besides, it’s impossible not to laugh and feel happy when Dr. Huang is always smiling his soft smile.
“You’re just like my violin”
Dr. Huang looks up with his eyebrows raised “Pardon?”
I can feel the heat rising to my cheeks as I stutter, “Uh ahaha, I don’t know. I was just thinking you reminded me of my violin. Sorry I think about random stuff while I sit here. It’s a long time to sit doing nothing you know.” My voice comes out sounding abnormally high-pitched. Well, that just made it even more awkward if that was possible!
I can feel the magic fading as Dr. Huang put down my arm. He looks me straight in the eyes. “How so?”
I think the sun must have followed me in and sat right next to me because despite being in my favorite airy tank top, I feel my skin burning with heat. “Well just…you help me get away from it all. At work, I’m always around so many people who are laughing and dancing. It is a place full of life, but to me…it feels empty. To me people are just flailing their bodies pretending to laugh, pretending to be happy, pretending to live. You and this room just let me escape it all I guess. Just like when I used to play my violin. No matter how lonely or hopeless I felt, I always find myself smiling by the end of a piece. Hahaha sorry this is stupid…” I feel the familiar surge of faint panic going through my body. Damn, this isn’t even one of those arguments I always avoid but I haven’t said what I truly felt in so long.
I spring up and grab my bag from the counter to hurry out the door. I mutter some nonsense about having another appointment soon. Right before the door to the office shut behind me, I hear Dr. Huang’s voice from inside. It is quiet but I hear it clearly.
“I would like to hear you play some day.”
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