You remind me of...

I look down at the pavement as I walk. The sun is beating down at me, suffocating me in my dark jacket. People walk by casting sideways glances thinking I am one crazy girl for wearing a jacket this time of the year. I like to look down as I walk just to pretend the sun wasn’t there…maybe it makes the heat and the awkward stares more bearable. The street is full of noise and people during this time of the day but I’ve walked this path enough times not to bump into the guy who always stands on that corner waiting for his girlfriend or the crowd of kids always whizzing by without even looking up.

I finally reach the familiar building with the cool glass doors. I let out a sigh of relief and walk in expecting the blast of cold breeze from the air conditioner to hit me. I am not disappointed! Already feeling better about the world at large now that the sun could no longer reach me, I find my customary seat in the waiting room. Soon, I hear the now familiar voice calling for me to come in. I smile and enter the room.

“Hey Dr. Huang! How have you been?” I say as I set down my bag and pull off my wretched jacket to reveal my arm. I swear that jacket gets more looks than any girl at the club…even that one who thought underwear and a bra were not necessary while dancing.

“I have been doing well. This scorching summer has motivated to make a new friend.” Dr. Huang said as he looked down at his clipboard.

“Really? How exciting! Who is it?” I exclaim. Dr. Huang rarely mentions his personal life and I have always wondered about it.

“A tub of French vanilla ice cream. I can’t wait to spend more time with her.” He replied as he looked up at me without even a hint of a smile.

I pull one of his long elf ears as I burst out laughing. I can’t believe he can crack jokes with such a straight face!

“Well June, you are here for treatment so let us begin.” He smiled his usual gentle smile and took my arm.

While he works his magic (literally), I sit there daydreaming. Why is it that I’m always smiling and laughing while I’m here? After all, I come here to fight against a sickness that threatens to take my life. I am not even winning this struggle. Yet…I was told I would not see another birthday and my birthday passed 2 months ago. There has to be something to that right? Besides, it’s impossible not to laugh and feel happy when Dr. Huang is always smiling his soft smile.

“You’re just like my violin”

Dr. Huang looks up with his eyebrows raised “Pardon?”

I can feel the heat rising to my cheeks as I stutter, “Uh ahaha, I don’t know. I was just thinking you reminded me of my violin. Sorry I think about random stuff while I sit here. It’s a long time to sit doing nothing you know.” My voice comes out sounding abnormally high-pitched. Well, that just made it even more awkward if that was possible!

I can feel the magic fading as Dr. Huang put down my arm. He looks me straight in the eyes. “How so?”

I think the sun must have followed me in and sat right next to me because despite being in my favorite airy tank top, I feel my skin burning with heat. “Well just…you help me get away from it all. At work, I’m always around so many people who are laughing and dancing. It is a place full of life, but to me…it feels empty. To me people are just flailing their bodies pretending to laugh, pretending to be happy, pretending to live. You and this room just let me escape it all I guess. Just like when I used to play my violin. No matter how lonely or hopeless I felt, I always find myself smiling by the end of a piece. Hahaha sorry this is stupid…” I feel the familiar surge of faint panic going through my body. Damn, this isn’t even one of those arguments I always avoid but I haven’t said what I truly felt in so long.

I spring up and grab my bag from the counter to hurry out the door. I mutter some nonsense about having another appointment soon. Right before the door to the office shut behind me, I hear Dr. Huang’s voice from inside. It is quiet but I hear it clearly.

“I would like to hear you play some day.”

handmaid's tale blogs

#1
I think the use of red clothing for their class is interesting but I'm not sure why the author chose red rather than some other color. Maybe red is degrading in some ways because its linked to harlots and such. That goes along with their basic satus in life. The most demeaning thing I noticed was the fact that they get "walked" in the field like dogs. Also, there was a reference to little red riding hood in the beginning of the book when she was dressing to go shopping. I'm not really understanding the connection between little red riding hood and the narrarator's situation. I feel its an important comparison though. Also another question I have is what period of time does this take place in? We were talking about that in our discussion during class. Personally, I think its some time in the future because where they sleep seems like an abandoned school or something. I'm not sure though because it could just be a whole different place.

#2
Religion is a big part of this book. Every other line seems to have a biblical reference even for things that don't seem very religious in their society. I think the author is definitely trying to make a point about religion here or else why would she include so much biblical stuff in there? I think it probably has to do with how religion in the real world is often constricting and suppress people's freedom. The way Offred has virtually no power (even the servent-ish people have more power than her) because of this society parallels how some people use religion to oppress women, convincing women that their place in life is to cook and clean and have no power or opinion at all.

#3
The wiki project we worked on really helped me understand why the author of this book uses the language she does. I find the word musings particularly interesting. Honestly, when I first read all those thoughts about words, I didn't really take the time to think about why she keeps thinking about them other than because she is freakishly bored but now I think its to give the reader more insight. Through the words she thinks about, we as the readers can figure out what she's feeling at the moment. Sometimes when she feels like all hope is gone, she thinks about kind of sad words like shatter and thud. I wonder if people will add to the wiki we made in class, it would be interesting to see what other people interpret different language musings to mean.

#4
In the reading we had to do today, I was suprised to read about how Offred desperately wants a match to light that cigar. She describes in a way that makes it seem like she is in withdrawal and craves it so much. I mean sure, many people may enjoy a smoke especially if you are confined like Offred but it seems like a huge addiction for her. This makes me wonder about her past more because we still don't know everything about hwer history yet. Was she a smoker? What other things should we know about her? I think as we read on, we will probably learn even more. Relating to this issue, I wonder why they don't have lighters? Is that against thier religion or something. Also, why is the cook so relunctant to give her the match, does she really think Offred is going to burn down the house?

#5
We have been talking about proproganda in our class recently and I find it interesting how it relates to the book. It seems like the whole society of Gilead is built upon fear and bad logic. Everywhere the people go, they are confronted by possible punishments for any wrongdoing. The wall is one example of that. Also, they use the bible to try to manipulate things so it seems like what the society is doing is correct all the time. Obviously from an outside point of view, we as readers can see that handmaids are oppressed in this society. However, Gilead tries to make it seem like the handmaids are lucky and even call their restrictive hats "wings" which is kind of like a glittering generalities because it links to the idea of freedom and possibly also links to angels and goodness. So yes, in general, I wasn't aware of most of the propoganda in the book until we actually discussed it so I thought that was pretty interesting.

#6
I was thinking about what topics for the wiki project our group should do and I found it interesting that so many historical events are linked to the practices in the book. I'm not sure about uniforms thugh because though people brought up examples of uniforms in class, I didn't really see the same purposes behind them. In the handmaid's tale, it seems like the uniforms are not used for uniformity so much as a kind of status. For example, handmaids are required to wear those red things and wings while guardians and such wear their own particular clothing. This is to keep them in place and know their rank in the society. Well now that I think about it, its kind of the same as the military uniforms right? I'm not sure if different ranks in the military wear different clothing but I know they have those stars and patch things that show off their status. I wonder why the author decided she would make sure everything in the cook came from something that has happened before?

#7
I wanted to think more about the things I wrote about in my essay at school. I was writing about how the author seemed to call for unity in our society. She showed how a group of people can have huge amounts of power but each individual seems weak. Even Moira and Offred's mom end up being defeated and they were the strongest characters in the book in my opinion. I didn't get to connect this idea to real life but now that I have some time, I just wanted to mention that throughout history, groups have made a difference. Individuals may have made an impact but they would have been nothing without their supporters. For example, Hitler created a lot of chaos and killed so many people but he could never have done that without the strong support of so many people. Martin Luther King may have been a great speaker who had great determination but without his followers, he wouldn't have been able to bring about more racial equality.

blogs

blog #1
I think the idea that the only thing that is certain and permanent is that we live in an uncertain world is an interesting idea. After some thought, I agree with this statement. We all live life never knowing what will happen and sometimes, in a blink of an eye, everything changes. This just reminded me of a message a read recently on deviantart where a deviant got into a car accident and now she is paralyzed and cannot even talk. She went from being a Davis student who loved to draw and chat with friends on the net to someone who needed help doing the simplest things. When we think we know life, things change. This just shows how uncertain life really is.

blog#2
I think the class discussions are a good idea and its a good way to share ideas and get questions answered. However, I feel like there is this awkward period sometimes when we have too much time in the small groups and not enough time to actually discuss as a class. All we do is report back to the class and thats not really a discussion. I think our group will give more time for the class as a whole to discuss the chapter.

blog #3
I think the concept of light and shadow is an interesting concept in Le Guin's Left Hand of Darkness. The way she portrays the two are kind of similar to the way yin and yang work. They balance each other out rather than trying to dominate one another. If light represents the good and dark represents the bad, Le Guin really puts both aspects into the main characters of the book. For example, Estraven commits a very serious crime (stealing) but he does it for a good reason. He also risks his own life to save Genly Ai. He has both good and evil inside of him and both are equally a part of him. This idea of harmony between two opposites really contradicts the way western civilization usually thinks of two opposite forces. As I brought up in class, we always think of good and evil in terms of the superhero and the villian.

blog #4
We discussed in class the reason behind Estraven's charge into the guards which ended up in his death. In our group, we were trying to figure out why Estraven basically commited suicide. It would be simple if Estraven's sacrafice was to save Genly but it didn't seem like his sacrafice helped Genly at all. Genly still ended up in jail and Estraven was dead. Our group's best guess was that Estraven thought his sacrafice would help Genly in some way even though it didn't end up that way. Even though we were still a bit fuzzy about this issue, if Estraven had indeed sacraficed himself for the sake of Genly Ai's well-being, it shows how much the journey helped the bond between Estraven and Genly grow. They went from not trusting one another at all to self sacrafice for teh sake of the other.

blog #5
When we did the "take a stand" activity in class about whether Genly Ai would return home after this whole ordeal is over with, I thought he would return home. the reason for this is because the only person who cared about him and the only person he cared about in Gethen is Estraven. Since Estraven is now dead and gone, there isn't anything left on this planet for Genly. Furthermore, he already completed his mission so he has no goal left here. Though he thought the permanent genders of his native people were strange at first, he can adjust back into the world he came from. Though he has learned the ways and customs of those on this planet, I think he would feel much more at home on the planet he was born in. People brought up the objection that everyone he knew and loved from his own planet would be dead or very old by the time he got back. I agree that this would definitely make him feel isolated back in his own world but at least he will still have some ties with people there. Thos ehe loved may be old but they will still care for him and he can always get to know their children and grandchildren. He could also mroe easily make new friends on his own planet since he was probably a well respected diplomat rather than a criminal there.